Called Out
by rainingWolf
Summary: In which the sexuality of a certain Agent Barton is questioned, Tony gets a little too personal, and Thor is utterly confused. "Well, if you're not boning Little Miss Muffet here, then obviously you're gay." / includes all Avengers members and Fury as special star.


In which I do not own Avengers because if they did, crack like this would happen every day.

* * *

"How does he do that?"

Bruce, who had been sitting in the back of the ambulance, looked up in the general direction that Tony was squinting at. In the distance, he spied Clint sitting on some kind of ruined wall, calmly restringing his bow, as Natasha bandaged his head, her hands working deftly, ghosting over his skin.

"Do what?"

Tony jerked his head away from the two to stare rather exasperatedly at the scientist. "_That." _And his finger pointed out towards the duo and Bruce glanced again and had to blink several times before he comprehended exactly what Tony meant.

As Natasha bandaged Clint's head, her body leaned inwards as to gain some height to properly wrap the white coverings around his wound and in doing so, her cleavage was practically in the archer's face. To give Clint credit, he didn't even blink towards the tightly leather clad woman and just set his bow down to start checking his arrows, nodding a barely discernible 'thanks' towards the Russian woman who just clasped his shoulder in some kind of 'you're welcome' gesture before sauntering off who knows where.

As Natasha wandered out of their sight, Bruce was bought back towards Tony who just gaped at what he had just seen. "Okay, there is no living male alive who could've gone through that and not even bat an eye towards one of the sexiest women alive."

There was a slight pause as Bruce sat back, amused, and he could almost see the cogs turning inside Tony's head and he barely smothered his snort of laughter as a light bulb seem to go off in the billionaire's head.

"He's gay, isn't he?"

* * *

Steve was stirring his cereal- Lucky Charms, Tony had suggested it before and he has now grew fond of the fun breakfast food- when Thor clomped into the room and threw himself in the chair opposite of Steve's. The super soldier raised an eyebrow as Thor reached across the table to grab the box of poptarts. Ripping it open and turning the box upside down, the God of Thunder spilled the contents onto the table.

Steve raised an eyebrow as Thor's forehead wrinkled, as if holding a burning question back but wasn't sure if he should be asking it.

The super soldier had just put a spoonful of cereal into his mouth when Thor blurted out, "Captain, what is this 'gay' that Stark speaks of?"

Steve promptly inhaled three marshmallows and went off into a coughing fit. Thor, alarmed, jumped up and smacked Steve in the back as to dislodge whatever was choking him and Steve winced marginally as the God of Thunder thumped his back a couple more times for good measure.

Wiping his mouth with a napkin, Steve breathed out, "_What_?"

Thor repeated himself, settling back into his seat. "I said I would like to understand what the meaning of this 'gay' that Stark speaks of."

Steve stared, mind whirling. He actually did know what the word meant as Tony had practically crammed a world history book inside his brain along with the 'Meaning of Certain Words Today' and 'Common Slang and What They Mean Now.' After reading that, the super soldier had been enlightened and thought, in the same breath, that he needed to pour bleach into his brain.

"Um, I don't think I should be the one explaining this."

Thor's face, if possible, grew more confused. "Try."

"Um. It means… er…"

He was saved from answering when Stark himself walked in, accompanied by Bruce who was looking a bit annoyed if the muscle twitching above his eye was any indicator.

"Ah what's this, Captain? Stuttering over your breakfast? Lucky Charms not your thing?" Steve shot Tony a glare-after all, it was Tony's fault that he was in this uncomfortable situation- but the billionaire didn't see it as he had turned his back towards the Captain, working the coffee machine, one hand fiddling with the buttons and the other reaching up to grab two mugs. "Coffee, Bruce?"

Bruce plopped down in the chair next to Steve and said in his usual soft manner, "Sure." The scientist gave a yawn that he covered before he muttered a "Good morning" towards the two.

As Tony busied himself with the coffee machine- 'JARVIS, make it work faster!', 'Sir, the coffee machine is already running at its highest working performance.'- Bruce turned towards the somewhat red faced Rogers and the perplexed Thor.

"Sorry, did we interrupt you two?"

Steve's adamant "No" was overpowered by Thor's roar of "Yes."

"I was asking the Captain if he can tell me what the meaning of 'gay' is."

Bruce's eyebrows shot so far up his face, Steve would've sworn that it receded into his hair. "And where did you hear that from, Thor?" Trust the good doctor to want to find the core of it all.

"I overheard the Man of Iron discussing it with his comrades earlier."

All eyes turned towards Tony who had just poured two cup of coffee and he smiled as he slid into the seat next to Thor. Handing one cup over to Bruce who was maybe a bit glaring at him, Tony said rather joyfully, "Oh you heard me?"

Thor nodded his head hesitantly and tilted his head in a puzzled manner. "Why yes. You shouted it grandly down the corridor."

Bruce choked a bit as his coffee went down the wrong pipe. "You did _what_? Tony! Clint's going to kill you!"

At this, Steve jolted up. "Wait what? Clint's gay?"

Tony smiled broadly and opened his mouth to say something when Thor planted a beefy hand in the middle of the table, directing attention back to him. "As always, the Asgardian is confused. Tell me what this 'gay' means."

Steven and Bruce glanced at each other, silently encouraging the other to explain, and they sent horrified looks when Tony seemed to jump to the challenge with glee. Leaning over, he whispered into the Thunder God's ears. Quickly, Thor's cheeks turned the colour of his cape and his blue eyes widened to the size of saucers.

"Mortal men do that to one another?"

"_Some _mortal men!" Bruce hastily corrected as Tony chuckled, hiding his smirk behind his mug. Not that Bruce knew what Tony had said exactly. Thor just arched an eyebrow and shook his head violently, as if to dispel the picture Tony had painted. Knowing him, it was probably quite the vivid one.

"So, you are thinking that Barton is this… 'gay.'" Thor said it rather gingerly in a tone that clearly said he really hoped he was in the wrong.

"Um. Yes."

Bruce face palmed as Steve jumped to Clint's defense. "Tony! You can't just assume that!"

The person in question just set his cup down rather calmly before his hands came up to gesture what he had saw on the mission before. "I'm telling you! He's gay! He has to be! How can you work alongside a beautiful work of art like that and not even show any interest in her?"

Thor, shoving a poptart into his mouth and spraying half of it across the table, said, "You are talking about the two agents, yes?"

Tony nodded but was forced to turn to Bruce who said, "Clint and Natasha are professionals. And besides, they're assassins and spies. It wouldn't be good to be romantically involved with one another. Just because Clint shows no sign of interest in Natasha doesn't mean he's gay."

Steve piped up at that. "Exactly! Maybe Natasha is not Clint's type."

The billionaire shook his head adamantly. "No way. No way in hell is Natasha not Clint's type. She's _everyone's _type."

Thor interrupted them. "What is this 'type' you are talking about?"

He was ignored as the three launched away in discussion, Tony pointing out reasons on why exactly he thought Clint is gay and Bruce and Steve dissuading him from such ideas.

At some point, their voices must've reached a high enough pitch to bring Natasha around because the door was flung open and she walked in, an irritated expression on her face. There was instant silence as the men swiveled their heads towards her.

"Some people are sleeping, you know."

Steve opened his mouth, maybe to apologize, but was cut off when Tony jumped up to waltz over to the woman who looked at him as if he was a bug she'd rather squish and fling into the garbage can.

"So… you and Clint."

Bruce buried his face into his hand as Natasha sent a flinty look at the genius. "_What_?"

Anyone else would have backed off at this point but no, of course Tony wouldn't back off just like that, he had to go the extra ten miles. "Are you two sleeping together?"

Natasha barely restrained a groan and rolled her eyes. "You were making such a ruckus this early in the morning because you wanted to find out if Clint and I are _sleeping together_?"

Steve made a feeble attempt to show that this wasn't so- he was just innocently eating breakfast, it was clearly all Stark's fault- but Tony just clasped his hands together to put on the back of his head and smiled cheekily. "So, are you?"

Natasha replied in a deadpan tone. "We're _partners_."

"Friends with benefits?"

A glare towards Tony and he was stepping back. "We're partners, Stark. Are you going to make me repeat myself again?" This was said with an arch eyebrow as if to drive in the point and Tony almost tripped over his chair in his haste to back away from the now bad tempered woman who made her way across the kitchen to pour herself her own cup of coffee before perching on the counter.

"Okay, okay. Sheesh. I was just asking. It's not like I was asking you for the password to Fury's office or something."

Then Tony was whirling around, pointing a finger towards Bruce and Steve, a triumph look on his face as he practically shouted out with victory in his voice. "Aha! See! I told you! This proves that Clint's gay!"

Steve put his spoon down, appetite forgotten- the marshmallows had all gotten soggy anyways- as he rushed to defy what Tony proclaimed when a rather unlady like snort erupted from the redhead woman.

Mirth lacing her voice, Natasha said, "Oh really? And pray tell, how did you come to that conclusion exactly?"

The dry and humorous tone to her voice might have indicated to anyone who knew her better that they were about to be in some deep shit. But Tony, either ignoring it or not knowing what it meant, plowed onwards with the energy of a thousand suns.

"You just said he's shown no interest in you. Nada. Zilch. Therefore, the obvious conclusion is that Clint's gay." He said it in a 'duh' kind of voice and Steve rolled his eyes as Thor opened another box of poptarts, cascading them all in blueberry sprinkles when his immense strength crushed the box instead.

"Thor!"

"Apologies to all! Your weak cardboard is unfortunately not a match for my strength!"

There was a moment of mad scrambling towards the sink to wash hands and a lot of elbowing and swearing- 'Ow! Tony! You didn't have to pull my hair!', 'Steve! That was my foot!'- before they settled back down only for Tony to spring up rather cheerfully when he saw Clint, leaning against the doorway, arms across his chest.

"Ah! Just the person we were talking about! Clint! The man of the hour!" The billionaire flung his arms open as if to embrace the blonde and Bruce's face met his palm for what seems like the fifth time since he woke up barely ten minutes ago. So much for being subtle.

The archer just raised an eyebrow at Tony's reaction to him. "I don't think I appreciate that title much when it comes from you."

His lips quirked upwards a bit, as if amused, before it turned into a frown as Natasha drawled out, "Clint, apparently you're gay."

"_What_?"

Ignoring the agent's bewildered exclamation, Tony plowed on, picking up where Natasha had left off. "You _are _gay, right?"

Clint just stared at the billionaire and then all eyes reverted to Bruce when his gravelly voice crossed the kitchen. "You know, there are plenty of more… subtle ways to ask these sorts of questions, Tony."

A sulky answer back. "You don't seem that subtle when you turn into a giant green thing and smash things around."

"This and that are two different things."

Tony sniffed rather haughtily and stuck out his tongue at the older scientist and Steve piped out, "Why can't you just grow up just a little bit? You know, just a little teeny tiny bit?"

To which a smart ass answer was given. "I _am _grown up. Whether or not I choose to act that way is entirely up to me."

A pause where everyone sighed and then Tony's gesturing towards Clint again. "Well, if you're not boning Little Miss Muffet here, then obviously you're gay."

Bruce just rubbed his face against his hands, praying that this conversation was going to end soon without any bodily harm inflicted onto anyone, as Natasha's eyes flashed at the 'Little Miss Muffet' comment. He was bought out of his stupor when Clint said in a strained voice, as if either hiding laughter or anger, "Haven't you heard of a professional relationship?"

Tony snorted. "Oh yea. I've heard of one but that's for the less attractive women."

Clint sighed as his hand came up to pinch the space between his eyebrows, rubbing it in some sort of comforting manner. "Why exactly do I have to be 'boning' Natasha to be straight?"

"Look, it's the fundamental of the thing. If you see a woman like Natasha here," Tony pointed towards the woman who seemed to struggle to school her features, as if she didn't know whether to be amused at the situation or be miffed at Tony for practically labeling her a lust muffin, "and you guys have know each other for… well as long as you have, it's pretty natural to assume that you guys have been sleeping together."

"I don't have to answer to you, Stark." This was said with an eye-roll from Clint.

"Come on! Natasha's hot! You can't tell me that you don't want to have sex with her!" A beat where Tony took a breath before plowing on. "You _have _had sex before yea?"

Steve flushed a bit at that blunt question and Bruce buried his head inside his palms once again, this time, with a wish that when he bought his head up the next time, the situation would have disappeared and he could slink back to the lab. Thor just looked on confusingly, munching on more poptarts, as Clint answered Tony's question with a stiff "Yes."

"… With women?"

"_Yes._"

Tony made a _tsk _noise and leaned forward. "How often? You seem stressed."

"Damnit, Stark," snapped Clint who made a rather violent motion with his hands that resembled quite a bit like ripping someone's head off.

Steve, not wanting to clean up any blood off the rug that he had splurged on to make Stark's kitchen look homier, hurriedly intercepted. "Tony, maybe this is something you're not supposed to pry into."

The billionaire turned to him, a look of mock hurt on his face before it turned into a sly smile. "Puh-lease. You know that I _must_ know everything. After all, I'm team leader!"

The All American hero sighed. "First of all, you're not team leader. _I _am." Tony made an outraged look at that before sticking out his tongue rather cheekily at him. "Second, if Clint says to drop it, then you should drop it. You're intruding on to something personal and-"

Whatever Steve was going to say to Tony was cut off as his phone rang and Fury's face appeared. "God damnit! We have a situation in Milwaukee concerning gigantic gerbils and don't even ask me why the hell someone decided that having huge rodents as an army was going to be a good idea cause it ain't! Jet's leaving in about 2 seconds so get your asses in gear and suit up!"

There was a split second pause as they all digested what the man said and then there was a mass movement towards the door with Tony squeezing past Thor and pelting down the hallway. His last words before he disappeared around the corner was "Don't think this conversation is over" in a rather sing song voice.

Bruce just shook his head at the billionaire's antics as he walked out the door, making his way towards the roof top where the aircraft was laying in wait, leaving Natasha and Clint alone in the room behind. Steve had already left, pounding after Thor, yelling out, "Wrong way, Thor! Your room is _left_! Not _right!_" There was a romp of noise that sounded suspiciously like Thor walking through a wall for the building shook ever so slightly.

Natasha and Clint just gave each other amused glances before they both turned to haul ass out of the room when Fury's voice stopped them.

"Y'all better stop fooling around or they'll find out the truth about you two."

Sly looks were exchanged between the two superspies before Natasha smirked at the projection of the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. "What are they going to find out when there's nothing to tell?"

Fury just arched an eyebrow and sent a poker face back. "Really now?"

There was a split second pause and then Clint pecked Natasha on the lips and grinned. "Now that's probably gonna keep Stark entertained for the next three months, don't you think?"

There was another pause in which Natasha calmly pulled out the gun strapped to her side and shot directly towards where she knew Jarvis had eyes on them. "Not anymore," was her answer before she looped hands with her partner and strutted out the door.

* * *

- Not entirely sure how I wanted to end it without making it wholly romantic and sappy. But nor did I want to make Clint gay at the end. I guess it's a mystery to all...

- Reviews are much appreciated.

- Feedback would be nice too.


End file.
